I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
