In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
