I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
