I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
