I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
did i walk over a car last night?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
