Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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