You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
