I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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