I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
