I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
