arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
