Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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