Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
