I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
