doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just forgot I was standing up.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
