Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
