All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
