I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
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we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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