Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
