Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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