last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
