sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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