i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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