I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
