Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
