You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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