She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I want her autograph on my taint
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
