I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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