quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just pee around me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
