he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
