you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
time to smoke my breakfast
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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