butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
