Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
