My Higher Power is John Stamos
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
