are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
