Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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