dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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