woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
