smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
