I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
