I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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