soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
