Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize