Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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