I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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