Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
