Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
