then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants