I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT