Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
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You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"