im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray