I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
