i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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