Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
