If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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