god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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