trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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