so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
