the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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