You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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