it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
