Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
