It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
two words...techno handjob
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
