i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
