Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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