Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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