shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
