no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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