even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
