Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
