I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
