Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Every concussion has its silver lining
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
