they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
