Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
