My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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