just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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