the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
