The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
