Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
