I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We have started to decorate penises.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
