Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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