I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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