is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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