Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
the day after is always just damage control
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
