barbara walters just said penis...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
