If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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