i already hear my dad disowning me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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