Will you blow on my dice?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So many bounce houses so little time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Are we still banned from the library?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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