What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
